What the Hell Is Ice Cream Soft Candy?

This week’s mission: Down-market candy gets a makeover, and a really bad idea for brand extension.

Meal Kits: From Good to Worse

This week’s mission: Just add chicken to two different premade dinners.

Healthy Hot Pockets

This week’s mission: real natural chicken and microwavable savory turnovers.

Fast-Food Pizza Chains Attempt Gourmet

This week’s mission: pizzas that are less fake and greasy, and toasted ciabattas that are more fake and greasy.

The Raisin Bran of My Fantasies

This week’s mission: British breakfast cereal with masses of fruit, and sweet, spicy spread.

Snack Time for Lazarus

This week’s mission: superfood bars and stovetop comfort-food kits.

Get Healthy Real Easy

This week’s mission: two servings of vegetables in a powder and one in a soup.

New Species of Cracker Discovered!

This week’s mission: ritzy granola and crunchy focaccia sticks.

Farm-to-Table Trend Hits Campbell's

This week’s mission: social-climbing canned soup and frozen burritos.

Italian Chefs Won't Weep

This week’s mission: frozen Italian dinners and microbrewed sodas.

Would the Dude Like It?

This week’s mission: a way to spruce up your White Russians, and a nonrotgut gin.

Pastry Puffs That Look Catered

This week’s mission: pseudo-elegant frozen pastry bites, and Wheat Thins with more fiber.

Cheap, Good Frozen Lasagne

This week’s mission: Healthier breakfast junk food and decent frozen Italian entrées.

Make Your Own Chinese Takeout

This week’s mission: Chinese chicken kits, and a breakfast croissant with apples and hash browns.

Tiny Cookies Took Me Down

This week’s mission: sugar cereal gimmickry from Post and Kellogg’s.